can you really just delete something from your life ?

they say people change, buh photos always stay the same .

buh what if you were to burn photos or delete them ?

does the memory simply delete with it ?

since we have no constant reminder, eating away at us whenever we glance upon it.

is it really that easy to delete a memory from your life ?

of course some memories last a lifetime - some .

what about the ones we need a reminder of, if we dont want to remember it, do we just delete it off our computer or take it off our fridge and throw it away .

is that.. right ? or is that just an easy way to cheat - to cheat life - an ourselves .

by trying to control your own memory

" we dont have the power, buh we never say never " - forever young .

" bitch immah pick the world up and immah drop it on your fucking head . " - drop the world

" so many adventures couldnt happen today,

so many songs we forgot to play,

so many dreams swimming out in the blue " - forever young .

" dying only hurts the first time " - ellen .

do you really want to live forever ?

one day, a thousand years .

forever never dies, insanity is eternity; corruption ?

is forever even a result ?

the lessons, discoveries, flames, flames, flames !

burn baby burn .

take your scissors from your wrists and scar the earth instead .

what can live forever ?

and what would want to ?

" i know one fact, i'll be one tough act to follow, one tough act to follow, i'll be one tough act to follow " - beautiful .

im just greatful that im not lost, stuck or troubled in what is thought to be a never ending maze, an enigma of my imagination .

luckily, i've already mapped out where to go from here .

if theres one thing i've learnt from school, its to always be prepared .

" its better to have tried and failed, than to not have tried at all " - unknown writer .

it would be so much easier if i didn't know we would be perfect together .

true love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends .

i got hurt once upon a time, quite tragically .

after that i bid farewell to the hurt and the pain, and most importantly,

i put my feelings in a shiny glass bottle and threw them overboard .

what i didn't know was how quickly my body could restore what was once lost .

he rocked the boat, one like the so-called 'titanic'

the unsinkable kind,

buh in the end the boat crashed into something so cold and hard,

and what was once unsinkable... sunk .

and now i stand tall to say that i'm one of the insane, crazy, uncontrollable, unpredictable enigmas that survived the journey... barely .

" there was only two things she loved in life,

her long brown hair,

and how quickly she could cut it off without feeling a thing "

- 5OO days of summer .

no matter how burnt, singed, bloody, cold, stale, rotten, beaten or tortured my heart is,

i'll be the only one left with a heart in the end .

i slept with someone from fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me .

PROGRESS REPORT:

I AM MISSING YOU TO DEATH .

" i dont know where hell ends and heaven starts ? " - unknown .

i dont know what i want... actually i do, and its not this .

what would hurt more ? saying something & then wishing you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had ?

" she lives in a fairytale, somewhere too far for us to find . " - brick by boring brick .

i need to feel something . something atrocious, contrived and contravened .

forever wasn't long enough .

BATMAN .

" i'm like a dog chasing cars, i wouldn't know what to do if i caught one... i just, do things " - the Joker .

isn't it ironic that at the days beginning, i thought it was the best day of my life, buh by the days end i wanted to be dead, and the person who made it the best day of my life also made it the worst ? funny how life works aye ?

i sit here alone all day asking myself the same question, what the fuck am i doing with my life ?

there might be a bad person, doing horrible things,

buh how are they meant to know its wrong, if everyone acts like its right ?

" the moment we stop fighting for each other, thats the moment when we lose our humanity " - 2O12

aw yeah.

dont you just love it when someone does something really, really horrible to you, and your friends, who are also their friends, just sit and watch it all happen.

& they sit, and they watch, full of "sympathy" whilst they try to empathise the drama,

and they talk to both sides and help as you mourn, buh in the end they still let the other person get away with it, and repeat as it happens over and over and over .

how can you watch your friend, hurt another one of your friends?

is that right ? is it ohkay ?

is it ohkay to just watch someone make the same mistakes again ?

is it ohkay to see your friend hurt repeatedly, and still talk to the other person hurting them like nothings wrong ?

is it right to talk to them about every god damn fucking thing under the sun, except for the pain they are causing your friend ?

is it right to leave the situation instead of knocking some fucking sense into their heads and asking them:

"AYE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ? "

" HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU ACT ALL FINE AND FUCKING DANDY WHILE SOMEONE YOU 'CARED' ABOUT IS CRYING, ABOUT TO FUCKING COLLAPSE AND WISHING SOMEONE WOULD KILL THEM TO TAKE THE PAIN AWAY ? "

" HONESTLY, WHY AND WHAT THE FUCK ? "

sometimes its just impossible to fight your own battles without making them worse,

yeah it might not be happening to you, fuck your not the one in pain, your not the one who cant concentrate, eat, think, sleep or barely breathe past your acid induced trachea.

buh if we cant help out each other, then what the fuck on this earth is the definition of friendship, of humanity, of compassion ?

how the fuck can you's walk around calling yourselves 'friends', when all you do is sit and watch from the fucking sidelines. scared to get hurt aye ?

don't hate the player, hate the fucking game, actually nah...

hate the player that doesn't give a god damn fucking shit about their team, and will sit and watch it lose from the sidelines .

" THANKS FOR WATCHING AS I FALL " - happy ending .

truth is, i havent forgotten you, i just choose to never remember you .

" let mercy come and wash away what i've done, i'll face myself to cross out what i've become. erase myself and let go of what i've done " - what i've done .

what is logic ? is it choosing between right and wrong or simply a never ending guessing game picking which path leads to a desired future .

" & maybe its not my weekend, buh its gonna be my year, and im so sick of watching all the minutes pass as i go nowhere " - weightless .

im scared of myself .

sitting here staring blankly at my computer screen, thinking again, joy . why is facebook so temptingly addictive ? just another distractive social networking site to add to the list .

is it normal, to perhaps, feel too much ? your cognition constantly and exceedingly bombarded with why, how and whats ? its impossible to block out these negative thoughts, because they only reappear... & ten times worse just because you're suddenly attacked with the thought that life is so completely fucking shit that you've had to try everything to stop, distract and block your own destructive thoughts .

if only there was a real distraction, i used to have one . i never thought like this, because they took away my reasons to . i used to say:

" being happy doesnt mean everythings perfect, it means you've learnt to look past the imperfections . "

appearing happy is easy, its the insides that count .

should people ever really give up on something they know can truly make them happy ?

i think the key to happiness is not what makes you happiest all the time, buh what can make you cry your eyes out & still make you smile brighter than ever at the end of the day .

something that makes you happy all the time wont last, and when it vanishes, you will have nothing left buh cold, thin air to turn to .

buh it must really take something quite talented to be able to make you smile unconditionally after they've given you every reason not to .

& what could make you happier than having the same person who knocked you down, give enough of a fuck about you to come back and build you right back up higher than before ?

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS .

" you ain't a killer, understand that, go back to gimmicks, paint your face if it makes you feel wicked, buh the bottom line is this, your a bitch and i could break your pride and bones in a minute " - terror of my speedcore .

lets be more than... this .

in my dreams i got to hold you, kiss you, and hear you say you love me, buh thats all they are, a fantasy oh so distant from reality, if only the stars could be in reach, if only, dear sweet if only .

why do we like to hurt so much ?

i regret thinking i still mean something to you, because obviously i don't, i mean as much to you as a five cent coin dropped on the ground, something with somewhat value, buh walked on without any notice or care in the world . do i even mean that much ? because some people take notice of those neglected, shiny, silver circles found dumped on the sidewalks or next to overflowing trashcans, and they take that five cents, and they use it to buy something of value, because perhaps all along they were five cents short and that useless, unnoticed, cold, hard, shiny scrap of metal was all they needed, right in front of them, all they needed to do was follow the right path and take the right amount of steps .

does it make you feel good knowing you've kicked me around, burnt, tortured and bruised me ?

BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL .

" where i go i just don't care, a place to chill to getaway . i take it day by day, no work all play, no where to stay, and i just need to clear my mind, to find my role in space . i'm just cruising, and i wonder if i'll ever find my way, i'm just cruising down this highway at night, and i'm looking for a place where i can find my way, i wonder if i'll ever find my way . " - crusing .

i guess i'm a lucky girl, buh still i find a reason of why i feel so empty inside, these worn out organs are useless without a purpose, a real, crystal fucking clear purpose .

& its so hard to think that one day this will all be gone .

" CLOSE YOUR EYES AND MAKE BELIEVE THAT THIS IS WHERE YOU WANT TO BE . " - decoy .

got to love my grandparents shitty, old front garden .

WARNING!

now that i have captured your attention, all writings & photos on my blog are 1OO% a creation by yours truly, me . unless quoted otherwise (:

kthanksbye .

the darker side of love .

love ; a feeling very few find and very few forget .

dreamt up of being the definition of perfection,

yeah it can be good, it can even be perfect,

buh sometimes the bad side... seems to get left out...

really, is love much more darker, sinister and torturous?

Is love waiting by the phone for the call that will never happen?

Is love biting your lips and digging those chewed nails

Into your skin until you bleed,

Because the colour reminds you of the romance you once had.

Is love constantly applying your make up to make yourself beautiful,

But what you really like is affect of the mascara running down your face.

Is love trying your hardest to get the best of you noticed,

But of course you fuck something up, and that’s what’s noticed.

and never forgotten.

Is love insomnia and crying yourself to sleep,

because everything you thought you knew, changed,

and turned on you.

is love begging and screaming and yelling,

until your voice hurts and you can barely stand up,

Is love waking up to your hair covered pillow,

Because you had nothing else to hold on to,

Is love laughing at every joke someone makes, funny or not,

Because the thought of someone knowing how you really feel

Would eat you up faster than the person making you feel like shit,

Is love the feeling of a burning sensation in your throught & mouth,

your stomach hurts, it just makes the pain worse, and you actually dont mind it.

Is love watching them hugging and laughing together,

And stopping yourself screaming from the pain of the invisible

Knife cutting open your heart,

You don’t know how it ended up like this, it just did .

and i'd go through it over and over again, undoubtedly smiling, just to have you here ...

I GUESS THERES NO WHERE LEFT TO FALL ONCE YOU'VE HIT THE BOTTOM .

i thought you were different, buh your not, yous are all the same.. & the one who proves you wrong, proves that your not strong .

I LOVE ERIN O'LEARY

he's so fucking selfish, let him keep telling himself that he has a life, let him keep dreaming that he's doing things right, let him keep saying that he's happy as ever, because when it all happens will be a day away from never .

" i burned every bridge i ever built when you were here " - paramore lyrics .

i wonder if you ever think of me, i wonder if you ever care, if i stumbled off a cliff, would you realise i'm not there ?

LETS TAKE THIS GOOD ENOUGH AND TURN IT INTO SOMETHING GREAT .

i miss the days .

i miss the days when people could think for themselves . i miss the days when people didn't need music to make decisions for them . what happened to the days when people had opinions and wants and needs ? when people wrote their own morals, their own goals and their own life stories ? instead of quoting rap lyrics as a comeback or idolising celebrities lives, does anyone remember way back when we did what the fuck we wanted to do ?

left with nothing buh a flooded, intoxicated mind and these holes in my heart as if a flaming, sweet, sweet cigarette slowly burned right through my ventricles .

even though i hated you, every moment with you was one less breathe breathed, and now its all gone . my lungs are full of air buh its not as pure as it seems .

they say tears are words the heart cant say, then what were these tears saying if i didn't have a heart ?

new to all this shit, so still trying to get the hang of it :)
anyways, sit back, relax and enjoy reading all my lovely posts .